115 Ways to Say Walk
SHUT THE HELL UP AND STOP PUTTING ICE CUBES IN YOUR LEMONADE. YOU WANT FIX YOUR WATERY LEMONADE? ADMITTING THERE’S A PROBLEM IS THE FIRST STEP TO STOP BEING A PUSSY, AND MOVING ON TO BEING A MAJESTIC MOTHERFUCKER.
GET SOME FRUIT.
BLUEBERRIES, STRAWBERRIES, PEACHES, LEMONS, LIMES, FUCK I DON’T KNOW, MAYBE PAPAYA OR MANGO! GET YOUR ASS OUTSIDE AND PUNCH SOME BUSHES UNTIL IT CRIES FOR MERCY AND HANDS YOU YOUR GODDAMN FRUIT.
BERRIES YOU CAN JUST SHOVE INTO THE ICEBOX AND GO CONQUER A COUNTRY WHILE YOU WAIT A DAY FOR IT TO FREEZE.
PEACHES AND NECTARINES, FUCK, YOU CAN EAT THE DAMN SKIN ON THOSE! TAKE OUT THAT MACHETE YOU KEEP IN YOUR BACK POCKET, BECAUSE WHO THE FUCK KNOWS WHEN A DINOSAUR COULD COME KNOCKING AND MOTHERFUCKERS NEED TO BE PREPARED, THEN HACK THAT DELICIOUS MOTHERFUCKER INTO SLICES.
NOW PUT THOSE BEAUTIFUL FUCKERS IN YOUR FREEZER.
YOU’RE A CITRUS KINDA ASSHOLE?
TAKE THE SKIN OFF YOUR CITRUS AND RECYCLE THAT SHIT! SAVE THE WHALES, YOU HARDCORE MOTHERFUCKER.
I BET YOU CAN SEE WHERE THIS IS GOING, WITH THE FREEZER.
WHEN YOUR FRUIT IS FROZEN, USE THEM INSTEAD OF ICE CUBES TO KEEP YOUR DRINK AS COLD AS A SNOWMAN’S FROSTY DICK, AND MAKE ALL YOUR FRIENDS OR MAYBE ONLY YOUR PETS SAY ‘WOW WHAT A CLASSY MOTHERFUCKER’
IF YOU’RE AN ALCOHOLIC TYPE OF SHITHEAD, YOU CAN PUT YOUR FROZEN-ASS FRUIT INTO RUM OR VODKA OR SOME SHIT.
NOT ONLY ARE YOU GOING TO HAVE A COLD, FLAVORED DRINK, BUT YOU’LL GET YOUR DAILY SERVINGS OF FRUIT. YOU SNEAKY LITTLE HEALTH-CONSCIOUS ASSHOLE.
TASTES LIKE GODDAMN VICTORY, THAT’S WHAT.
• Accidentally close a tab? Ctrl+Shift+T reopens it.
• Bananas release dopamine, eat them when you’re sad.
• CTRL+SHIFT+ESC is the one handed version of CTRL+ALT+DEL
• Don’t brush your teeth hard, it makes them sensitive and removes enamel.
• Don’t like spiders? Put citronella oil on your walls and they will not go there.
• Drink one glass of water for every alcoholic drink you have, you’ll get drunk without getting a hangover.
• Get clear ice cubes by boiling water before freezing it
• Heal paper cuts and immediately stop the pain with chapstick.
• If you accidentally write on your dry erase board with a permanent marker, scribble over it with a dry eraser marker to remove it.
• If your shoes smell, put them in the freezer overnight, it will kill the bacteria.
• Make bug bites stop itching with a banana peel.
• Make a paper longer with 12-point text, but 14-point periods and commas.
• Need to get around a blocked website at work? Try replacing the http:// with https://
• Never send your resume as a word file (unless asked) Instead, print it to a pdf file, it’s much cleaner and professional looking.
• Pick a flavor of gum you don’t normally chew, and chew it while studying during a test.
• Place a piece of bread in a container with your homemade cookies and they will stay soft.
• Put a dry towel into a dryer with wet clothes, they will dry faster.
• Put toothpaste on a pimple and it will dry out.
• Practise fake smiling in the mirror every day before going to work/school, you’ll genuinely start to feel happier.
• Rub canola/olive oil on knives before cutting onions, you won’t cry, alternatively chew gum and you won’t either.
• Short on time with a wrinkled dress shirt? Hang it up in the bathroom to steam it flat.
• The night before, place things you don’t want to forget the next morning on top of your shoes.
• Use hydrogen peroxide to remove blood stains from clothing.
• When cleaning windows use newspapers or coffee filters instead of paper towels, they will not leave streaks.
• When microwaving bread products/pizza put a glass of water in with it, it will keep your bread from going spongy.
• When you move into a new place you’re renting, take pictures of any and all damage, then post them on facebook (privately if preferred) so you can use the reference date as proof you didn’t do it.
• When searching plane tickets online delete your cookies prior, prices go up when you visit a site multiple times.
Need to try these before you die!!!
sorry if i’m off the mark here but i’m tired of both people who act really immature about not liking school and people who see those people and act really pretentious and awful because they think they have some sort of godly wisdom in saying “suck it up you spineless baby” when really things shouldn’t have to be this way they really shouldn’t
(also in case anyone mentions it: i’m a low average high school student who generally gets by on really high test scores and has been thinking about ways the school system could improve mostly by watching their friends and observing their problems)
What this doesn’t take into account, though, is that a lot of the criticisms that sound immature really aren’t … the American public school system, at least, was designed by its creator to do something very specific, and that something specific has nothing to do with actual learning.
Suggested reading: John Taylor Gatto’s “The Six-Lesson Schoolteacher,” or go straight to the source and look up John Dewey and his legacy.
Not to mention that in most (if not all) high schools, you’re expected to do all of your homework, study for your tests, participate in sports and/or club activities, do the chores and things your parents want you to, AND be well-rested and have time for a social life outside of school. And most high schools don’t teach you skills that you need to be prepared for the “real world”. Skills like doing your taxes, managing a budget, how to rent an apartment for the first time, how to manage credit cards and debt.
I can honestly tell you that the majority of what I’ve learned that has actually applied to my life has come from elementary school, middle school (to some degree), and college. I spent a majority of my high school classes reading or drawing because I had little to no interest in the class. I almost never studied, but it was rare that I failed a test. The only times I actually finished and turned in my homework was when it was the more artsy stuff (like making a mini-comic of a chapter out of Of Mice and Men) because that was what actually held my attention. Most of the tests I had were memorize something, write it down, forget about it. And multiple choice are honestly pointless. If you’re a good guesser, you can usually do really good. They rarely actually test what you do know. They just test your ability to memorize info, regurgitate that info, and guessing the correct answer.
Add: Would someone like to teach me how to correctly draft a resume, go to a job interview or behave in a business setting? because I don’t know how to do any of these things. Can we start teaching formal social skills to students because I’m seriously at a lack here.
No really, can someone teach me some these skills? I lack a lot of the knowledge needed to suffice life in the real world.
if anyone would like to tell me how to do taxes or even learn how to buy a car or house and do resumes please do tell me because I may be able to find the surface area of a cone and know Oxygen has 6 valence electrons but I have no idea how to survive in the real world